’C-Section vs. Vaginal Birth’ or ’What form of torture do you prefer?’

OK, why is it that everyone tells me how much better and safer vaginal birth is but every single book I read (“What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, etc.) makes it sound like the 7th circle of Hell? Then, you flip to the C-Section page and it’s two paragraphs long and it says something like: “And they whip the baby out and the angels sing.” Meanwhile, vaginal birth has like two CHAPTERS on all the horrible, painful, disgusting things that are going to happen and then there’s a whole other chapter on how your coach should act towards you during labor. HA! Yeah RIGHT! Sean massaging me for 14+ hours….not gonna happen. I can’t get him to rub my feet longer than a commercial on TV. Then, you cut back to the C-Section PARAGRAPH and all you hear are crickets. Every book, plus the classes I’ve taken, make C-Sections sound like a cakewalk!! Why…why…why???? Aren’t they supposed to be discouraging C-Sections? I feel like I have to read these books so that I can be prepared for vaginal birth but they’re scaring the shit out of me. BLOOD, MUCOUS, TEARS, PLACENTA, BREECH, CHOKING ON THE CORD, EPISIOTOMY (OR RIPPING…EVEN BETTER!), SHITTING DURING LABOR, INCONTINENCE, STRETCHING, BABY HAS A CONEHEAD, VOMIT, EXCRUCIATING PAIN, FEELING HOPELESS, 24-HOUR LABOR, GIVING BIRTH IN THE BACK OF A CAB, BACK BIRTH, BROKEN COCCYX, SHAKING, FAINTING, RESPIRATORY DISTRESS…..Meanwhile, in C-Section land: “Well, we just snip a little cut along the bikini line and OUT SHE COMES IN 5 MINUTES.” (And in the fine print….”You may be a wee bit uncomfortable while breast-feeding afterwards.”) Cut to me, taking a poll of my friends and family who have had both. They ALL say that recovery from a C-Section is excruciating and that they’d MUCH rather have vaginal birth. Um…..GOOD GOD WHY? Frankly, they both sound equally shitty to me. Can’t I just keep her in here? After a while, she’ll get so big that she’ll be wearing a Kitty ‘suit’ like whats-his-name in ‘Silence of the Lambs’ going: “Is she a great, big, fat person?”


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