Posts Tagged ‘Baby’

Notes from the baby DMZ

February 8, 2008

Oy….I think I’m reading too many books. I’m reading “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” now in a vain attempt to understand my little woggle. It purports to help you understand the baby’s language. I’ve been so intent on trying to read Maggie’s cues that I think I’m overthinking it. I swear I was much more instinctive about it before I started reading that book. It seems like she’s been a little psycho since I first started trying to implement it’s suggestions. The book is all about: “Don’t just shove a pacifier in her mouth or a bottle. What does she REALLY want? Is she tired? Is she overstimulated?” Jesus, I’m not a mind-reader. They’re like: “Is it a waa-waa-waa sound or a waa-short breath-waa-hiccup sound?” FUCK! How the FUCK am I supposed to know? It sounded like waa-hiccup-waa-SCREAM-waa-choke. What the fuck does that translate to? Oh, I know. “Give me my fucking pacifier and then hold it in my mouth for the next hour because otherwise, I’ll just spit it out and then start screaming as if you’re tearing my skin off in sheets.”